Today's missive (along with everything else lately) is running a bit tardy. It's not for lack of effort, but lack of time. I have three LARGE projects in the works, all with looming deadlines. And to be honest, any free moments I do have are consumed with finishing a one thousand piece Star Wars puzzle that has confounded me for over a week. Darn you, Darth Vader!
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross will forever be known for her groundbreaking work on grief. As noted in her book On Death and Dying, the Kübler-Ross Grief Cycle has five components: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Otherwise known as the grieving process.
People experience grief throughout their personal and professional lives. It can be brought about by many different situations such as a divorce, job loss, terminal medical news, or a death.
Co-author and colleague to Kübler-Ross, David Kessler, said this: "The five stages are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with loss. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline. Not everyone goes through all of them or in a prescribed order. Our hope is that with these stages comes the knowledge of grief's terrain, making us better equipped to cope with life and loss. At times, people in grief will often report more stages. Just remember your grief is as unique as you are."
It's important to know that grieving is not limited to death, but applies to any scenario that involves the loss of something beloved.
COVID has left a wave of grieving victims in its wake. Lost friendships, opportunities, experiences, and even jobs have wreaked havoc with our emotional and mental health. Music teachers and students are impacted in very significant and meaningful ways. As decisions are made, and students prepare to return (or not) to school, it's crucial to acknowledge that we are all grieving for what is lost, and what will be missed moving forward.
In order to move forward, we must acknowledge and allow ourselves, and our students, to grieve.
As we return to summer rehearsals and the restart (or not) of our schools, we will be face to face with young people filled with equal parts ecstasy and angst. They will be looking to you for answers and taking their cue as how to react to the new changes. They will follow your lead and adopt your tone and attitude. With that in mind, know that where YOU are in the stages of grief will have a significant impact on how your students react and respond.
I do not mean to rush you through the grieving process, and perhaps, you feel fine. But in the event you are not quite at acceptance, know that even though you may be isolated, you are not alone. My inbox is open, and my phone is on: (480) 577-5264. Unlike my wife, I am not a counselor, and I have no training in this area. But after thousands of emails, and countless calls, even I can recognize an industry in grief and can at least have a chat.
But there is more we can do to be at peace, we can find meaning.
David Kessler has recently continued the shared work of the Cycles of Grief and has added a sixth stage (and a similarly titled book) called, Finding Meaning. In this landmark work, Kessler states that finding meaning after loss "can transform grief into a more peaceful and hopeful experience."
Like you, I want this to be over. I want answers to my questions and a plan to build on. But it is not here yet, and waiting for the unknown is the worst part.
So for me, I will plan for every possibility and prepare for all contingencies. I will write, work, and speak. I will push as hard as I can and provide value where possible. I will speak with positivity and focus on solutions. This is how I move forward. This is how I work towards acceptance. This is how I find meaning.
Darth will just have to wait.
- Scott