Friends -
I am sending this to my entire list for reasons already apparent to many of you. I hope this makes you smile or chuckle a bit.
Yesterday, after a workshop with a particularly wonderful group of kids, I had to make a beeline to the airport to catch a tight flight. I ran out the door and turned on my phone for directions. The next thing I knew, my phone was blowing up. I am talking 48 pings, 112 dings, and vibrating non-stop like Bobby Brown's pager type of blow up.
I immediately thought, what happened? Who died? Did Prince Harry and Camilla have another spat? Nope, none of the above.
It turns out I was hacked, and my information was stolen. My entire email list was asked to send me $2880.90 via Zelle and that I would reimburse them with a check, which is not only ridiculous, but an oddly specific number.
Crazy that on the same day that we announced our new BPOTM platform, and a nationwide webinar, a hacker decided everyone on my list needed a THIRD email.
The next couple of hours were spent responding to hundreds of friends and family concerned about my being hacked, and my sudden need for cash.
My response to the cyberpunk who hacked my life today is below.
I hope you enjoy it.
- Scott
An Open Letter to My Hacker
Dear Dipwad Hacker:
Since you claim to be my namesake now, can I ask you a question?
What's your secret?
No, I am serious. How were you able to obtain so much of my personal information so quickly? In one day, you found out more about me than I knew or remembered abouty myself.
Don’t believe me? Let me explain.
To correct your little shenanigans, I had to remember passwords I had long forgotten, along with the answers to security questions I didn't even know I had answered. I'm not kidding. I thought my first concert was Rush, but according to Experian Credit Services, I was never there. Oh yeah, and my first dog’s name was spelled BEAU, no BO! For the love of goodness, now you are better at spelling than me?
Oh yeah, if you could also help me remember the first street I lived on, that would go a long way to untangling the mess you created. Come on, just give me the first couple of letters, I can take it from there.
Yes, you are an identity thief, but not a very good one. Seriously! You shopped at JCPenney, Kohls, and a tattoo parlor? I‘m not sure whose identity you stole, but it certainly wasn't mine. I don't shop at any of those places.
And can we talk about the Applebee's gift card you bought? You understand that the theft penalty is the same regardless of where you eat, right? Their slogan is "Good food, good people." What were you thinking? Their food is not good, and you are not a good person. Please tell me you see the irony in this.
As long as you're going to steal, at least enjoy a good meal before you go to jail. Grab the Ruth's Chris Steak House gift card next time. It's on me. No, really. Apparently it is, because I can't remember my first concert.
Please tell me it wasn't Milli Vanilli. Was it?
I hope you sleep well on that 12-thread count bedding you bought from JCPenney. My guess is you'll be chaffing for days. That's what you get for stealing my identity.
The thing is, you didn't really steal my identity; you just stole a bunch of numbers. You can't steal my identity, because you can't steal what makes me who I am. You can't steal:
My degrees or education.
My friends and family.
My memories of making great music with great kids.
The inspiration I get from seeing amazing teachers every day.
My AMAZING wife and pretty wonderful kids.
The joy I felt after this morning's workshop.
My ability to hear Grainger and understand something you don't.
The humility I feel after working a hard day, and knowing that compared to most, it wasn't that hard.
But most of all, you can't steal the honor I feel for serving this incredible profession for thirty-two years. I love my job, and I love my colleagues. I love that as a music educator, I get to make the world a better place.
Can you say the same, Mr. Dipwad Hacker?
I am a music teacher. That is my identity. That is my joy. And you can't steal that.
So, thanks for the reminder of how lucky I am.
Scott
p.s. I am just fine. The whole event was a great opportunity to reach out to old friends who care about me. Thanks mom for calling me and asking if I needed money (That really happened). I don't.
p.p.s. Please join me for my webinar on February 7th.
p.p.p.s. I am excited about the new BPOTM experience coming your way in seven days.