Today marks the first week of the Patron version of the newsletter, and I want to take a brief minute and sincerely thank you for your support. It means the world to me. Today's newsletter is an example of how things are different. I would not likely share this with the full list as it is not relevant to music education, but I will share it in a smaller setting with people who asked for more/different content.
As I write this, I am sitting in a dermatologist's office. I am in-between procedures, which is a polite way of saying that my doctor just sawed off a chunk of skin and am waiting on the biopsy to see if they got it all.
Skin cancer.
First off, I am fine. Just going to experience some unpleasantness for the next couple of months as I work through the subsequent six procedures. Yep, six! Ugh.
If you see someone who looks like a petite version of Frankenstein, don't be scared, it's just me.
It turns out that fifteen years of rehearsing marching band in the Arizona sun without sunscreen has consequences. And this is one of them. Who knew an Irish/German redhead with fair skin would burn in the desert? It turns out that it is everyone but me.
Nearly thirty years later, I have regrets. I regret not being more protective of my skin. I regret not encouraging my students to do the same. I regret not having the foresight and wisdom that could have prevented all of this unnecessary unpleasantness. I could have stopped this from happening, but I made the wrong choice. I regret that.
That's not the only thing I regret from my teaching days. I regret venting my frustrations on a student worker at a competition in 1994; she was just a volunteer. I regret responding to a student with anger when he approached me with anger in 1991. I should have known he was in pain and just venting. I could have, and should have, been the better person. I regret leaving the classroom in 1999 for a desk in the admin office. I ducked the initial offer call because I knew I didn't want the job deep down inside, but I took it anyway. I regret that.
I have lots of regrets. But, apparently, I'm supposed to.
According to Daniel Pink's new book, The Power of Regret, regret is a good thing: "Regret can help us become better people by revealing what we want most out of life." To help inform his argument, Pink developed a regret framework after collecting regrets from 16,000 people worldwide in the World Regret Survey.
NO REGRETS, YOLO! Pink says it's an all too common and even dangerous mantra. "Everybody has regrets, and they're a fundamental part of our lives. And if we reckon with them in fresh and imaginative ways, we can enlist our regrets to make smarter decisions, perform better at work and school, and deepen our sense of meaning and purpose," says Pink.
His theory is that past regrets inform future decisions and that wisdom is derived from our mistakes. Lack of regret implies a lack of understanding and knowledge.
According to Daniel, regrets are categorized in four distinctly different areas: stability, boldness, morality and, connection.
What regrets do you have? And, how have they changed the person you are today?
We all likely have regrets in all four areas. I know I do. But I also know that I can't change them, and they have helped shape the person, husband, father and teacher I am today.
Pink says, "It's tempting never to look back, but we're hard-wired to focus on our mistakes. Rather than deny them, we can lift ourselves up by seeing them in a new light."
My regrettable experience with the sun has informed how I teach my son. My regrettable experience with a student in 1991 changed how I treat students in 2022. And, regrettable experience in administration changed how I see music education.
We are all a summation of our experiences, and to change the regrets of our past is to change the path to our future.
I do not regret my past decisions, nor do I celebrate them. I accept them (and myself) for what they are, a small slice of who I am.
Speaking of slice, the doc just walked in, got more cutting to do, so I have to go.
Have a great week.
-Scott
p.s. Interested in sharing a regret and how it has changed you. Share it in our Facebook group.