My two boys and I have an almost daily battle. What is our daily battle about? Food, hygiene, chores, manners, time spent on electronics? Nope. Well, yes, but that is not what I am talking about right now.
Piano.
As many of you know, the rule in my house is, "As long as you live under my roof, you will play the piano."
After more than a decade, my older son has acquiesced. He understands that this is just a part of his bill for food and rent. I dare say he has even come to enjoy playing. My younger son? Not so much. He would rather spend forty-five minutes arguing over fifteen minutes of practice. During one such sparring session, I told the younger one that he and his brother would fight over who gets the piano when I am gone. My younger one, Evan, said: "NO, I WON'T!"
He shouted upstairs to his brother, "Hey Brayden, the piano is all yours!" As he walked away, he mumbled under his breath, "See – no fight!"
That kid...
The piano rule is not an absolute one. There is a single golden key to earn your release from my musical handcuffs. You have to find someone who has quit playing and does NOT regret it. They have yet to find someone.
And regret is what I am trying to avoid.
In his upcoming book The Power of Regret, best-selling author Daniel Pink states, "Regret is a universal and healthy part of being human. And understanding how regret works can help us make smarter decisions, perform better at work and school, and bring greater meaning to our lives."
Through research in social psychology, neuroscience, and biology, Pink's World Regret Survey—which has gathered regrets from more than 15,000 people in 105 countries— defines for us the power of regret and the impact it can have on our lives.
In an interview with the Atlassian, Pink further states that, "Regret is an emotion. It's an emotion that has a lot of cognition behind it, and it's that kinda stomach-churning feeling when you realize that the decision you made, the choices that you took, the path you decided to pursue resulted in a suboptimal outcome."
What I find most interesting is that Pink states, "The research tells us that people tend to regret inactions more than actions, especially over the long term. Sometimes in the short term, people will regret actions more than inactions. But over the long term, it's pretty clear that we regret what we didn't do more than what we did."
The notion of living a regret-free life is non-sense. Regrets are necessary and are reminders that we took risks and made tough decisions. They show that we care and are involved in meaningful activities.
We have all heard it a million times. You tell people what you do, and it is immediately and universally followed by, "I used to play ____________, and I quit. I regret that!" Pink (I believe) would say that this statement/feeling of regret validates what we do as music educators and proves that music is important and matters. That feeling of regret is an understanding that the decision to quit music has negatively impacted lives.
Yes, our job as teachers and mentors is more than teaching music. It's more than filling the world with music and developing a child's creative abilities. It's about killing regret and showing students and their parents that the past mistakes don't need to be future regrets and that standing steadfast now will yield benefits in the future. This is why when my boys say they want to quit, I simply say no.
My son, Evan? Well, he's still looking for someone who doesn't regret quitting. Just the other day, I heard him say to his older brother, "I'll give you $50 to tell Dad you regret learning piano. Then I can quit!"
That kid...
Have a great week.
- Scott
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