My good friend's daughter is turning 16 today. She is a great kid and is deserving of a grand celebration. But, the pandemic has put a kibosh on a party, and like so many other teens, she will be celebrating her big day with just immediate family. To make her day special, our friends asked us all to send a card for their daughter to open on this momentous occasion. I sat down last night and wrote my message, and it got me thinking about my sixteenth birthday.
At sixteen you do not get the right to vote. You are two years removed from being considered an adult and five years away from having your first adult beverage. Heck, you can't even see an R rated movie without your parents, and who wants to do that? What can you do? DRIVE, BABY! Yes, for no other reason, your 16th year on this planet brings with it a glorious gift… FREEDOM.
Thinking about this monumental year got me thinking about not just my sixteenth, but all of my big days.
I remember most of the big days to some degree or another. I remember my tenth birthday and the thrill of hitting double digits. And while the specifics have faded from memory, I do remember the thrill of driving away from the DMV when I turned sixteen. Turning twenty-one? Not so much, but I do remember what it felt like the next morning. I do not wish to repeat that experience. I also fondly recall the milestones of thirty, forty, and fifty; with each one, the allure and angst seem lessened.
I also remember the big professional moments.
I remember my first "real" job as a one-semester replacement for a teacher on sabbatical. He did not return to the position, and I would do the same.
I remember the thrill of my first concert, although the adjudicators did not find it as memorable. I remember the day I questioned whether I was in the right profession and the day I discovered that I was. I remember the seminal performances, grand events, and concerts for adoring parents.
Outside of the classroom, I have climbed the ladder into supervisory and administrative roles only to find that I did not enjoy the view, and decided to climb back down. I have been handed a few diplomas and don't relish the thought of being given any more. I have spoken in front of large and small groups, written some words people have read, and started a business or two. Yes, I have had some pretty BIG days.
At the ripe old age of 53, I realize that my life's biggest days have likely passed me by and are in my rearview mirror. Not because I do not have a great deal in front of me, but because as I get older, I define BIG in very different ways.
I will turn 60, 70, and hopefully 80+ one day, but birthdays hold less allure with each passing year.I will likely write another book or two, but nothing beats the thrill of seeing your first work in print.I will conduct on a stage again, but will not be as nervous as I once was. I will likely see grandchildren, but nothing can compare to the birth of your child.
None of these events will be as big as what I have already experienced, but they will be better.
Better because I am trying to appreciate each day and not wait for the birthdays.Better because with each book, I become a better writer and have more wisdom.Better because I can concentrate on making music and not right and wrong notes.Better because I can see the joy in my sons' eyes as they become fathers of their own.
As I mature, I strive to require less affirmation, adoration, or attention. I spend less time pontificating and more time observing. I can see beyond my own classroom and into the broader landscape of music education. I try to talk less, listen more, and be less concerned about being right than doing good.
I don't want to be bigger. I want to be BETTER!
These are challenging times for everyone associated with music education, and no one wants to be in the situation we find ourselves in. For most, if not all of you, the global pandemic has taken away some very BIG moments for you and your students. But, if you look hard enough, you will also find some of your very best moments in its wake.
And we all know that bigger is not always better.
Have a great week.
- Scott
p.s. Happy Sweet 16 L.D.